Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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