After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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