you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
