Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
