I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
