My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
