it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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