How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
