I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
