problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
