Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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