He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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