I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
