Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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