the new term for farting is butt boxing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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