i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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