Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
