I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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