Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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