Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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