the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
