I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize