the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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