I heard we made out
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it hurts more in the daytime
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
