that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
