he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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