im six kinds of drunk right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
