yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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