ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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