And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
