If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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