He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
