Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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