why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
