Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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