We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
