we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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