Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
