for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
