I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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