Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize