my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
