Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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