first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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