I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize