she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
