Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
