You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
