I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
