i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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