i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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