put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
