trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
