I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
