I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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