Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
