your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize