maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
