can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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