I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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