just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
