I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
