If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
