That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize