what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
