So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
