i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize