nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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