It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
