On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
