I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
