I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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