Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize