so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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