Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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