Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize