Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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